June 28, 2013
Okay, so I’ve been sick for 10 days now. You now, the usual… high fever, congestion, coughing, achy all over, headache… Last Sunday at church was an adventure. Well at least I think it was since I hardly remember it. One evening my fever was so high that I was hallucinating. I don’t remember that either but Ellen tells me my conversation was… well… interesting. But, I don’t want you to feel bad. You were feeling bad weren’t you? Anyway, sickness brings on Stuffed cabbage! Or halumpkies (sp?) or hunky hand grenades or however your particular tradition refers to them.
When I get sick a number of folks run to the store and purchase pounds of rice, ground meat, cabbage and sundry other items. They spend hours cooking and rolling! Or rolling and cooking. Then before you know it… stuffed cabbage begin to show up on my front porch. It’s as close to a miracle as I know without being downright supernatural. Some people claim that chicken soup has healing powers… Ha! They haven’t seen anything until they watch someone at death’s door consume a half a dozen “grenades.” Ahhhh… food of the gods!
Anyway, back to the porch. I began to check several days into my death watch for the pans to appear…. Guess what?!?! Not one!! Not a casserole dish, not a muffin pan, not a thimble full of the sacred stuffing. At first I was extremely hurt… and frankly bordered on bitterness. It was all I could do to keep the depression from hitting chasm-like depths. I awoke each morning only to drag myself out of a pool of sweat produced by my trusty fever to check the front porch with hope upon hope that this would be the day… but… it never occurred.
Then I had a revelation! Of course no one was going to leave stuffed cabbage on my front porch. What if animals or the neighbors took it, or it spoiled in the intense heat?!?! But where were they? And then it hit me… OF COURSE… they would be in the frig or freezer at the church. What was I thinking??? It was simply a matter of sending one of my offspring over to the sacred storage place and procure the wraps. I was dumfounded when they returned home empty handed! How could this be?! There is only one explanation that makes any sense… THEY WERE STOLEN FROM THE CHURCH KITCHEN!!! Is nothing sacred any longer! What would I say to all of the folks who owned the pans that had been full of the food of healing? How could I possibly explain all of this?! What does one say about stealing from the House of God? Or worse yet… what does one say about stealing stuffed cabbage?!?!
Well I don’t really know what to say. I guess that those dastardly thieves might see the light of day and return what does not belong to them… if it still exists. One can only hope, one can only hope. Whoops, were you expecting some spiritually challenging words on this page today? Uhhhh, how about this:
DO NOT STEAL!!!!!!!